when days are not easy

This one goes out to the one I love from REM plays on the mp3player pressed between my breasts. How it got there is another story. All of a sudden I realize I’m old. This song, the vibe, the colour within the melody is OLD. I wish days were like this, the days I’ve danced on this music every weekend , the time I was 16 or 17, around this period. I loved these days, not aware of any danger or tax-inspectors ringing your door, no just the innocence and having a home to go to. Living by the rules of your parents, but in the same time trying to cross their borders. While I hated my puberty I loved every bit of it, and I realize that when “old” people these times told me many times how I would change my mind on a later age, that things are true, some of these things are really true. And I feel old.
I’ll probably have another opinion when I’m 65, but for now I think life is pretty cruel, I probably wasn’t prepared for that, to see all this unjustified things going on, to see love is a bit more complicated than a prince on a white horse, to see all the masquerade, everyday. I’m more of a romanticist, I do believe in the great love, in the honesty and in the peace of humanity.
And the song goes over into rock’n roll suicide from David Bowie. I’m double as old now, I can only imagine what it is to have the age of Bowie. But what a fucking soul, I guess it’s all about the soul. No bla bla, no going home alone, no eating alone, no sleeping alone, no talking to the walls, no whatever…..Even when you’re happy.
The lemonheads, what the fuck…. You cannot not dance on this tune. I see the decades passing by, and I do wonder what it’s about. Politics don’t change, we go by the flow which is given by them, so what is it about?
I barely visit the graves of my ancestors so what is it about. To do something and be unforgotten, or just to be you and disappear after a while? I’ve lost some friends already, too early of course, but time passes by and I wonder, did they live their life the full way, and are we the ones who are stupid? Stupid enough to keep on putting up with the things that basically don’t really matter. Fuck that, seriously.
Some days I just have enough being the polite educated woman without much of an opinion, or sometimes too much and being the party alcoholic idealist extreme left woman. Oh you know, people have opinions.
I’m just a woman, loving my man, drinking a guignolet kirsch, smoking a cigarette, feeling old sometimes and with an mp3player between her breasts, alone.