The 50% Woman

Luckily I don’t have kids, I often think.

I might want one someday, but I’m old already so I might just give up on that idea anyway. I don’t find enough reasons to have a kid, there are more reasons for me to not have one. Just look around, even with a lot of imagination it’s difficult to see the beauty left around and no….I’m not depressed. Even a blind person can see the beauty on this planet is fading. We’re heading for an ecological disaster with corrupt politicians making deals backstage. The babies born today will inherit a sick planet.

But will I miss something eventually?

I might die lonely without anyone there to change my diapers and feed me.
I might feel like half a woman because I never gave birth.
I might never explore the “mum” feeling.
I might never see a duplicate of me growing up.
I might never give a tiny human a name.

But will I regret it?

I know I will be happy when I will enter my menopause and not have to deal with questions anymore like “when will you start having babies?” and looks of people like there’s something terribly wrong with me because I have a “virginated” vagina. Maybe I’m a woman with a male brain, I don’t find babies that cute you see. I mean, yes they can be cute, but not “kilikilikiliolalalala” cute. As a woman you can’t say that, because I have a vagina….and all vagina's like babies and holding them.

“You’re running away from your responsibilities”

Yes sorry, I like my life too much….sleeping long, doing drugs, drinking with friends, enjoying my boyfriend, having my own time, choosing to work…or not. I never had the life they expected me to have and one time I was at the stage when I bought a house with a boyfriend, I just never saw me with him in 20 years…So I left. I could have been a single mum now or stuck in a sad relationship within the walls of my own house. Instead I explored my sex life and partied the years away. I know I don’t regret that.

Life at my age being a woman can be pretty hard dealing with all the baby stuff around happening. One time someone told me that at least their kid would take care of them later on. Really….I might be an egoist with my lifestyle, but young parents can be big unemphatic assholes at times. And soon Christmas is coming and I can expect all these greeting cards with the head of their baby on it. Seriously, I’d rather want the money to make the card and post it to go to charity…or buy me a beer.

So will I regret it?
Probably.

But I can tell my family one thing, you’ll never have to change my diaper or feed me, I’ll be long gone before that.

(picture by Sofie Jaspers)